Hooley Dooley, what an epiphany I’ve had! I’m going to level with you guys. Lately, I’ve been in a pretty bad way. The worst way. Not really sleeping, brain going at a hundred miles an hour, and it’s all because I’m mad at myself. Like really mad! I have recently learnt a valuable lesson in what it means to be happy with yourself and how the way we treat others drastically effects our self-worth.
I’m going to try and walk a fine line here between becoming too ‘self-helpy’ (real word, google it) and being plain informative. Recently, I’ve been a bit wronged by someone I have to see a lot in my everyday life. Some things have recently happened that have made me feel really powerless and uncomfortable in my own space which I didn’t realise before this whole debacle, is actually the.worst.thing.ever.
I dealt with this situation at first by crying a lot, which was fairly harmless to anyone but me, albeit a bit snotty. But then I started talking. To anyone, and everyone that would listen. I used everyone from my family, to work friends to the poor lady at Coles to complain about all this shit stuff that was going on.
At first, this tactic made me feel quite a bit better. I felt validated and even a bit empowered by getting things off my chest. Also, all of these unsuspecting sounding boards (read: poor bastards) were only hearing my side of the story so were agreeing with and supporting my point of view fervently.
But after the initial post venting-high I was hit with emotions far worse than the initial feelings of annoyance and exasperation at the original situation. Instead, I copped an overwhelming feeling of guilt that who would have thought, is so much fucking worse. So much so that it sent me into a spiral of anxiety that I didn’t even know my already frazzled brain was capable of. By talking about what was going on so much, it has made me no better than the shitty individual making me miserable.
So whenever shit hits the fan in my tiny little world I always like to look for a lesson, and that is, don’t talk shit about people, no matter how crappy they’re being to you because it makes you feel worse. If I rose above everything that was happening, I would be able to hold my head a little higher and be proud of the way I dealt with an unfortunate situation. Instead, I’m wracked with guilt about something that was really not my fault to begin with and was completely avoidable.
American writer Rita Schiano puts it perfectly in her famous quote: “Talking about our problems is the greatest addiction. Break the habit. Talk about your joys”.
So very bloody true. Thanks for the lesson universe and I’ll strive to do better next time!