This is the one beauty product that saved my life. Big call, I know. Sure, eating, sleeping and breathing may have also contributed to my existence on planet earth, but this product has been monumental in keeping me in the ‘alive and well category’ and has single handedly given me the confidence to leave my home each day without the full beekeeper protective clothing I have often felt like wearing due to my shit-house skin situation.
I’ve had a fairly turbulent relationship with the skin that covers my face ever since I can remember. Read: I get acne, bad. For the last 11 or so years I haven’t been able to catch a break with my face; it’s either been covered with dark painful boil looking eruptions or it’s flaking off onto everything I touch, walk past or look at.
As a result of my ‘shit-house skin situation’ I have spent tremendous amounts of money on products and beauty treatments that have never really gotten my skin where it needs to be.
I have tried it all. Face cleanses so harsh they would be better suited to cleaning the bacteria off your toilet. Scrubs that leave your face looking like it was left in a pool of hot bubbling lava for a long period of time. I’ve even turned to colonic irrigation to attempt to fix my skin, which didn’t work and then made me realise I’d just paid someone $200 to stick a hose up my backside and pump warm water into my colon without even being required to call me the next day –quite a confusing predicament to be in, as you can imagine.
But then I found the one product that made it all go away. I refer to him (it) as Bob, but you can call him the Clinique Acne Solutions Cleansing Bar for Face and Body.
How Bob and I came to be is reminiscent of any true love story. I turned up to a department store beauty counter, face so lit up my pesky pimples it would give your neighbours OTT Christmas light decorations a run for their money, desperate to find something, ANYTHING to fix my polka dotty face.
Before I knew it a bright shiny light (possibly just the LED lights the Clinique counter use to light up their signage – but if you ask me it was something much, much more) drew me towards a lovely lady named Jean who sat me down and spoke to me straight.
“This is what you need doll face,” she said, or something to that effect. “Buy it and your shit-house skin situation will be a distant memory forever”.
I did exactly as my new best friend Jean wished and snapped up the face-cleansing bar quicker than Octomum’s uterus snatched up all eight of those now infamous embryos, and boy was it the best thing I ever did.
So enough with the silliness for a second, this product cleared up my skin in a matter of days and has left me with a clear, glowing face 98% of the time. I still get the odd pimple every now and then, but nothing like the heinous welts that used to persistently cover my face all year round.
I use the bar every morning and night and follow it with a light oil-free moisturiser and I’m good to go.
Anyone who has or is dealing with misbehaving skin knows how bloody annoying it can be trying to find something that works and won’t require you to mortgage your parent’s house to afford it. This product is exactly that. So go forth my pimply little friends, try out the beauty bar and report back once you’re done applying for the next season of Australia’s Next Top Model, because you’ll feel that damn good.